Monthly Archives: March 2019

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Wow. Okay. So… I completely forgot it was March. I remembered and then I forgot. I think I’ve just been living so much for the future instead of the now that it all slipped my mind. There seems to be a reminder around every corner about working hard to reach a goal, but I don’t really have a goal. I’ve been told to have a goal for so long that now when people ask me what that is my only answer can be “work hard in case I find one.” I think this is true for a lot of people of my generation; there are so many opportunities that having more opportunities is an opportunity in itself. Well, I hope I can do some more of these before March floats away.

 

Happiness of the day ( I didn’t forget this!)

  1. Finally playing real tennis.
  2. Finishing my English presentation
  3. Finishing designing prom tickets

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This day feels like the longest in history. It seemed as though my mind was dragging my body through every motion sluggishly. My muscles ache and my feet throb. I wonder: will I be able to continue this for days and weeks to come. Sometimes I think it’s all too much, but then the night comes. Sleep is finally free to envelope me in its soothing comfort.

 

Happiness of the day:

  1. Reading books to kindergartners
  2. Teaching hip hop dance to a new crew of girls
  3. Working through math problems with my brother

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It is an innate human need to feel wanted. That’s why loneliness hurts so much; it is proof that no one wants you. This does not need to be romantic. Friends, family, classmates, coaches. Life seems at its best when everyone wants you because it is proving that your hard work to develop yourself has paid off even a little. Today, I finally felt wanted. It filled me with a joy to last hours and days. But there can be no force without it’s equal and opposite reaction. In this case, the pressure to live up to the standards that this person set in their minds was souls crushing.

 

 

Happiness of the day:

  1. Spending an evening with my friends full of good food and good laughs
  2. Checking everything off my to-do list for the day by 4

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Every second was torture. Days and weeks increased my anxiety exponentially as possible outcomes ran through my head. A lull in the fear occurred only when I set a plan to end my agony. The air grew thick as I walked to what I expected to be my doom. My face burnt up as I finally released the thought that had been eating me away, and I was meant with such a positive return that every feeling flowed right out of my goes and the only thing left was a smile.

 

Happiness of the day:

  1. Making pizza with my family
  2. Watching World of Dance

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It is amazing how strong the bond of family can be. After not seeing someone for 5 or 10 years, reconnecting feels like no time was lost at all. Everything seems right and blended as it should be. The only sad part is the inevitable loss once again.

Happiness of the day:

  1. Really good food from Tomato Brothers
  2. Shopping with my brother who hates shopping but loves getting things
  3. Waking up without an alarm

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So much has changed. My life has become richer with friendships, opportunities, and hobbies over the past year more than any I can remember. With this comes a cramped schedule and a scrambled mind. Even though I’ve already missed one day, I want to set a goal for myself that could improve my mental awareness and health. No matter what I choose to slice about, I will always list at least one thing that made me happy. Here’s my first:

  1. Volunteering with some very kind elderly women
  2. Finally finding my prom dress!
  3. My dad’s story about a random women getting in his truck while he was hunting
  4. Remembering March is SOL month😊